Well, I finally feel like I can sit down and write something meaningful today.

I know it has been a while since my last post, and I apologize for that. The last two months have brought on some really intense sickness, and a lot of emotion. I don't usually like to focus on how sick I am feeling, but now that I am through it I feel like it is important for me to share what that experience was like.

I don't know how to describe morning sickness, but I will give it a go. Morning sickness is a terrible name for it to begin. It should be called all day, all night, all the time sickness. It is awful, and I don't wish it on anyone. Any woman that makes it through pregnancy without morning sickness should count her blessings, because it is one of the worst parts of being pregnant. That said, I seem to experience it to an extreme degree, and want to take a moment to say that I feel like I handled it quite well considering I was running two stores, taking two classes online, raising two kids, and trying to be some sort of a wife in there. (Let me pause to say that there is no way that I could do any of this without Collin!)

Now that we have gotten that fact that I really don't like morning sickness out of the way, let's talk about what the last two months have actually been like.

The nausea and vomiting that is a normal part of pregnancy usually lasts until about the end of the first trimester, which I am now out of! Yay! There were about 3 weeks of nausea and vomiting in which I was really luckily if I kept one meal down out of every 3 or 4 days. For all the mom's who know what this is like, I am so glad to have you to talk to about it. I loved all the encouragement that I got during this time from people. It was really nice to hear that what I am doing is a really great thing, and it honestly helped me in an incredible way stay positive when I all I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball in my bed and not leave for days on end. The amount of energy that is drained out of you when you are getting sick constantly is unfathomable. I lacked energy, and felt like I was constantly thinking about what I was eating and how that would be coming back up. That really takes a lot out of a person. I want to be completely honest and say that part of the reason I didn't write anything on here during that time was because I just didn't have the energy. Every parcel of energy that I could muster up was spent on my kids. They are my whole world, and feeling like I didn't have anything to give them was incredibly difficult.

Working while feeling like this was difficult too. Although, I will say that it distracted me from feeling so sick and that was really great some days. I remember one day at work in particular in which I was making drinks on the bar, and it was really busy and I HAD to get sick. I calmly said over the headset to one of my partners, "Hey, (insert partner name here) would you come bar for me for a second please?". "Yeah, I will be right there", he responded. Then I waited, and waited, and waited, and.... waited. Four minutes is really quite a long time when you need to throw up. He finally got there and I ran off the floor, no joke knocking a coworker over in the process and barely making it to the bathroom to get sick. That day was rough. Overall though, as long as I kept busy I felt pretty alright.

That said, I have been VERY busy for the last couple of months. I was managing a store while a peer went on leave for 5 weeks after his wife had their second baby! That was really great! I also was managing my normal store while my manager took two weeks off for vacation. During that time we had some really intense staffing issues due to family death, illness, etc. and it was pretty rough, but I felt like I handled it really well. It was really nice to get feedback from my peers that I handled myself really well in such a time of ambiguity, and received recognition at a meeting for my efforts. In Starbucks land, that is pretty awesome. In both of my stores I was also running double digit comps over the previous year, and let me tell you we kicked ass at it! Woot! On top of this, I was taking two classes online through ASU. Race, Gender, and Class in Media, and Film History, both of which I really enjoyed. One of the great things about my classes with ASU is that they are on a consolidated schedule which means they last 6-7 weeks, and I get the content of a full 12 week course. I normally really like this, but when you are feeling sick in an extreme way, it makes life really difficult. After finishing this round of classes, with some guidance from my Mom, I decided to take a break from classes until after I deliver these little ones. Best decision I have made, hands down. As soon as I made that decision, I felt a weight lift. I have been so much less stressed, and honestly I think that is a big part of why my morning sickness has ebbed.

I am glad to say that my energy levels are back up, and I am feeling a thousand times better these last two weeks. I finally have an appetite again, and am enjoying eating without thinking of the sickness that previously would have ensued following a meal.

Just for a second I want to go back and talk about something that happened in the middle of all that sickness. When I went to my first appointment at my new OB/GYN's office, they weighed me, and immediately handed me a sheet of paper that said I was obese according to the Body Mass Index. Let me say for the record that I know that I have a little weight that I could lose. Let me also say that I eat healthily, cooking most of my meals at home, and I stay active. When I was pregnant with Cameron I rode my bike to work 5 days a week until I was 7 months pregnant, and when I was pregnant with Eli I ran a half marathon at 3 months pregnant. I don't usually take it too personally when I hear information about my weight, I take it in stride. However, at the time that they handed me the paper with the information I hadn't kept food down in 5 days, and was feeling emotionally drained. On top of that, they had asked me to come to a class that they require of all new patients, and hadn't informed me that Collin wouldn't be allowed to join me. He is my support right now, and I didn't handle that day well at all. I was ready to switch clinics because of the way that the situation was handled, however I decided to stay with them for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I posted on Facebook asking for feedback from fellow mom's that have used this clinic and received an overwhelming number of positive experiences to go from. Secondly, I thought about my experience working with Starbucks. I can't tell you the number of times that a customer has a bad experience with one person and blames it on the entire store. That said, I went back to the doctor and shared about the experience and the way she handled it was positive enough to outweigh my previously bad experience. I also shared with her about the paper that said that I was obese and that considering I hadn't kept food down in days I felt it was insensitive of them to have given me that information without first knowing my situation. She said she absolutely agreed, and we went over my diet and exercise and she agreed that I am incredibly healthy and to not worry about the BMI information. The last thing that she shared was that being pregnant with twins absolutely cancels out all the BMI information that they share with women pregnant with a singleton. My body is making two human beings, and there really is not anything "typical" about that. 

Can we just stay here for a second. My body is making two human beings. Holy Moly!!!!! How cool is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Every time I think about it, it still blows my mind. I am helping make two babies for a wonderful family, and I couldn't be any happier about it. Through all the sickness, and the tired, and the emotions, I still think it is the coolest thing ever that I get to share this amazing experience with two really wonderful people and they get to have kids that they otherwise might not have been able to. I love this.

I really feel like this is a good place to stop. Thank you so much for reading! I will try to write again next week!